The Rise and the Fall of the Ego

As we say goodbye to the narrow musty sweltering air of Western civilisation, we tend to leave a lot behind...

The superficiality of the impact of our wardrobe, filled with characterless brands lacking any individuality.

Our collection of nature deceiving, nasal destroying perfumes, as well as other material goods that are of  complete insignificance here in Ko Phangan. But somehow we seem unable to rid ourselves of one heavy entity that we drag around constantly; our ego.

We may have switched from skyscrapers to wooden love sheds, but some egos still rise above Khao Ra. 
Expanding egos that devour energy, flexibility, kindness and one’s own personality, in the end.

My naive and definitely inexperienced mind linked disproportional egos and inappropriate egotistical behaviour to a Western infinite crave for power, and the "licking up and kicking down" mentality. But surprisingly, even the biggest amount of love and Ko Phangan peace is no match for the ever engorging ego.

Is this place in particular attractive to people with big egos, or is there more space in Ko Phangan for an  egotistical inflation the size of the hot air balloon fully blown at the Air Lounge...

Even when the high pressure of achieving social status through achievement and possessions is of utter insignificance, the wish of being noticed, and being a somebody, obviously isn't.  So maybe we develop our egos out of a fear to be a nobody, or to become invisible. A human incorporated mechanism to hold on to our identity and conserve personality and pride. It could even be seen as the drive and the spark in our lives that prevents us from becoming dull zombies!

So are we in fact, defined by our ego?

Is it a practical survival product, or a useless ballast, interfering with a serene mindset? Do pride and ego hold us back; are they just heavy sandbags on the way to a higher and lighter existence?

As we translate the word ego, it literally means I/meI. But somehow it seems to be less self inflicted than we think. Imagine yourself alone on a deserted place with just a coconut as a friend. Probably no big egos on a vacant islands with no other mortals around. So our egos feed on the presence of other human beings. The endless battle of the big egos feeding off each other as a vicious circle of egoism.

Keeping the ego satisfied devours energy as there are so many people on this earth to flaunt our egos to, and so many modern, instant ways to share it.   But in the end, we are the only victims of these heavy shackles, that prevent us from stepping over our own pride and truly living..

The bigger the ego, the more there is to lose and bruise. Even to the point that hurt feelings is just a synonym for hurt egos. So the word "ego" might mean me, but in the end other people are in control of your ego...

If our egos do hold us back and hurt us, it would be a nice attempt to drop them. Just to see if we are defined by our egos, or if we still have some personality left to fall back on, beside our self made concepts of who we are.  It might be the fall of the ego, but also  the rise of the true self.

But how do we rid ourselves of ourself?

I believe only those who possess true self-confidence and inner peace are not bothered by their egos, however paradoxical that might sound. Thats why ego mostly drops with age, while self confidence grows. Awareness in other aspects of live can make us simply forget our ego.

So maybe with some help of father time my own present ego will fade into the past. And then it will be enough to be, instead of to be a...

Goji Bear

Check also:
Kirsten First Blog about Freedom.