Name: Jordan Smith a.k.a. "The Professor"
D.O.B.: June 4th 1981 (32 years young)
Country: Texas, U.S. of A.
Gender: Male
Occupation: High School English Teacher for Dallas Independent School District; Spreadneck of the Panic Tribe
Transformation Location: Haadrin Beach, Koh Phangan
Are you on vacation or do you live in Koh Phangan? For how long? How did you come to know about the island?
In 2008 I embarked on a trip to Southeast Asia in an attempt to mend one of mortal's most carnivorous beasts imaginable; the broken human-heart. In order to persist, the humanoid-alien exchange was absolutely vital, obviously. Nonetheless, Koh Phangan proved an instrumental place along my travels in becoming the lion-hearted Professor you read currently. We departed Bangkok by bus—myself alonside 4 other American gentleman—each being debonair dream-warriors in their respective rights. 24 hours later and 4 ferry rides after, we found ourselves in the Land of 1000 Dances.
What are your thoughts on Koh Phangan? Has your experience here been inspiring in any way? How so?
Koh Phangan is undoubtedly the most memorable destination of my human-life thus far. Where else does one seize the opportunity to meander from a (private) cave, to a Pacific caye fluming phosphorescent clouds of electric jelly-fish flooding beneath the surface of the upside-down sky? This was no Boca Raton, kiddos.
When, where, and how did you meet the alien sistars? Did they contact you or did you contact them to be alienized?
Within the first hour of our arrival at Paradise Found, the gents and I dropped our things at the caves, then meandered to the beach. At that very moment, a chartered sea-scooter containing what appeared to be six or so other backpackers insisted that we jump in the boat to hitch a ride to the bottom of the crescent shaped route around the island’s posterier. This was no standard water-taxi trip; it was in those moments that I introduced myself to (Queen) Andrea – at least I believe her humanoid-name was Andrea then...in what I can only refer to as the Before-time, and Queen Luana.
When and where did you get transformed into an alien? What is your opinion of the location? Would you return?
The Transformation process occurred on the shore of the bay at the foot of Mushroom Mountain.
In the Sistars interview they explain that when body painting they are transferring positive alien data into the skin of human beings. Did you feel any symptoms from their data transfer? If so, what are they?
The data transfer went swimmingly, although it did not go unnoticed. It’s effects were immediately felt as if an adrenaline shot of transcendence and clown-serotonin were being mainlined to the humanoid-form’s cerebral cortex of Joy. Unless you’ve got something better to be doing…
Did the alien transformation and data transfer have any effect on your natural human behavior?
Without any shadow of a doubt; the transformation out of the humanoid and into interstellar immortality resided in me an affable nature, of which carries with me at this very moment. And likely as well as the moment that you’ll finish reading this article. And even more likely until the writer transcends time and space entirely—as each of us will.
Did your new alien super powers make you feel differently than you normally would have without them? What effects did they have on those around you as you were walking through the crowd?
The transformation afforded the writer with a title in which had never been granted up until that moment. Becoming a King was a difficult, yet inevitable side-effect in the writer’s case. It was not long after declaring the throne that the writer began to search for a Queen of whom which would share the throne and maintain order throughout various Netherworlds, each bending through the other’s space and time, and each doing so in a perfect equilibrium of light and harmony.
What were the humans’ reactions to your new alien appearance? Did you inspire anyone?
Not all of the humanoids understood the immense nature of the transformation immediately. However, as the moon rose higher, so did the grandiose expression of awe and gratitude from the People of the Koh Phangan Kingdom!
Was your experience memorable or special in any way? How so?
Um, have you been reading this article, or not?
Would you be willing to have the Sistars transform you into an alien again? Has the experience inspired you in any way? How so?
Hellz. Yeah.
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