To grow up in Thailand – intro

I read somewhere that a woman’s mind is constantly changing and she reinvents herself every 5-10 years. Now, I do agree that my mind in particular is frequently changing to the point of slightly borderline, but I might still be too young and inexperienced to have reinvented myself just yet. I feel like I have just started to grow out of my teenage uniform, figuring out who I am, what I want, and what I want to do. Finding myself you might want to call it.

But, maybe that is just what reinventing is all about?
I am 26 years old and have spent pretty much all of my twenties on this small tropical island in the gulf of Thailand. This is where I went from being a naive teenager to a little less naive grownup. I would not call myself an adult, I can’t categorize myself there at all. To me to be an adult sounds… Old. It sounds like you are supposed to have your shit together and be all like “I have a 10 year plan.”

I look at the people around me to see if I am surrounded by any “adults” and the interesting thing is that even though most of my friends are 10 years older than me it seems many of us here are in the same boat. Most of us locals and ex-pats on this tiny little island that some like to say “God forgot” do not have a 10 year plan or even a 5 year plan. Me, I don’t even have a 1 year plan. Here it is so easy to be happy with less that many of us stop to strive for more.
At year 26 I find myself in a little jungle house, spending way too much time philosophizing in my hammock with my little dog snoozing in my lap, listening to the buzz of the jungle and the rain coming in from the neighbor island Samui.

At year 26 the most expensive thing I own is my piece of shit motorbike. Even if I would be able to afford a new one it would feel like unnecessary luxury. Who needs to drive faster than 60km/h anyway?
At year 26 I am not making “bank” by working as a lawyer or taking over the family business like I always thought I would. I don’t even make a little “bank” with what I do. Actually, at the moment writing this it barley pays my rent. But, It makes me happy. By sharing my knowledge and my practice it also teaches me more about myself, what I want and what I want to become.

At year 26 my main expenses are gas to my bike and food to my belly. Obviously roof over my head is quite important too but since rent is due every 4 months I tend to forget about it to even exist. Phone credit is not of big concern either since I can easily talk to my neighbors thru my walls or use the lousy internet to facebook the friends that don’t live nearby. After all the island is only so big that even if you don’t use today’s technology or scream at the top of your lungs to communicate with your fellow islanders, sooner rather than later you will bump into each. If not at the food market, then definitely on the dancefloor at some of the islands many parties.

Life here is simple (and so god damn cheap). I know it won’t last forever, but for now this is where I am at. At age 26 I am feeling both lost and found at the same time, fighting against the matrix and the worries of the future. Based on a crazy paradise island in the gulf of Thailand, this is my diary…